My 26th birthday

I turned 26 today.

Yeah, it's my birthday today!!! On all my birthdays I have said to people," It's just another day", although I secretly hoped that all eyeballs should be on me. This time around, "It is actually just another day". I dont want people to look at me. I am making a silent prayer that this day should go as soon as it came.

Why? It's a long story and it's personal. It's between two friends. Two brothers.

I know one person for sure who will read this page and it's for him. Dude, if you would have noticed I was avoiding any chats, conversation with you. I realized something when you decided to shift to England. Something which has been growing on me every time I thought about you. "What the fuck will I do now, when I get lost?" All these years you have seen me as a mentor, always made me feel that I am someone special.

I am not, I am nothing, not even 5% of what you are. I have been avoiding u cause I am not comfortable with these emotional tamashas and lumps in the throat. I dont even have a heart half as big as yours.

With guilt in my heart when I summoned the energy to meet you and party once in Pune while going to Abad, the gtalk window pops up and tells me that u are in England already. Wow!! like that was not big enough a reason to stick my head in the earth, u break upon me a ghastly truth.

More important than the news, the sheer fact that I was just a few km away from your house when you needed me one time in your life shook my soul in the most painful of ways. Every time you narrated the story about your father, I saw a kid in you with a twinkle in his eyes and the proudest of smile. I am sorry mate!!. I have not been able to sleep for 2 nights now as there are images of you landing in England and coming back immediately to India, uncle getting back into ambassador after meeting me in Hyderabad and that particular night when you told me his stories.

I can't put words to my thought anymore and my eyes are moist making it difficult to see the screen. I have no right to say this anymore but still. I am with you and you are always in my heart.

It will not mean much buddy but I dedicate this day of my life, 11th of Oct, 2009, my 26th bday to the memories of your father. A man who was known to his peers for unprecedented hard work, a storehouse of knowledge and father to you.

You have the qualities of your father. Keep alight the flames of his teachings.

I love you man!!!

Out of the hole

After spending almost a week in a burrow, completely cut off from the world (no internet and no phones), I sit down in front of the laptop trying to get reconnected to the world. My first rendezvous with the world is displeasing to say the least. The Indian team well on road to exit T20 WC, a friend beaten black and blue by 6 men (full story here), another friend who keeps on quitting jobs and taking bike rides.


Displeasing for obvious reasons but still there is a silver lining to the cloud. Each of them stood for what they believed undeterred by the consequences. A attitude which has no place to fear. They stood fearless in the wake of defeat, in wake of physical danger and economic recession. I sit down and think as I have been doing for over 7 days now, what in the hell do they eat for breakfast??


Somewhere I know that this battle does not take outside but inside. Between the easy way of closing your eyes and the harder way of opening it to the wishes of your heart lies the thin line. Although, the former makes you normal but takes away a lots of dream from you. The later however, makes you anti-social but content from inside. It brings you at peace with yourself. Makes you feel human again. It gives you the right to be happy from within. It cuts out the unnecessary bullshits which the society has created overtime.


I take great pride in knowing such people. Not because I have gone to the same school or shared a room with them but for the fact that these people reminds me of that deep rooted tree which has withstood the winds and hurricanes of time.


Bravo to you guys. Someday, I wish someday I will join you in your madness for life.