My 26th birthday

I turned 26 today.

Yeah, it's my birthday today!!! On all my birthdays I have said to people," It's just another day", although I secretly hoped that all eyeballs should be on me. This time around, "It is actually just another day". I dont want people to look at me. I am making a silent prayer that this day should go as soon as it came.

Why? It's a long story and it's personal. It's between two friends. Two brothers.

I know one person for sure who will read this page and it's for him. Dude, if you would have noticed I was avoiding any chats, conversation with you. I realized something when you decided to shift to England. Something which has been growing on me every time I thought about you. "What the fuck will I do now, when I get lost?" All these years you have seen me as a mentor, always made me feel that I am someone special.

I am not, I am nothing, not even 5% of what you are. I have been avoiding u cause I am not comfortable with these emotional tamashas and lumps in the throat. I dont even have a heart half as big as yours.

With guilt in my heart when I summoned the energy to meet you and party once in Pune while going to Abad, the gtalk window pops up and tells me that u are in England already. Wow!! like that was not big enough a reason to stick my head in the earth, u break upon me a ghastly truth.

More important than the news, the sheer fact that I was just a few km away from your house when you needed me one time in your life shook my soul in the most painful of ways. Every time you narrated the story about your father, I saw a kid in you with a twinkle in his eyes and the proudest of smile. I am sorry mate!!. I have not been able to sleep for 2 nights now as there are images of you landing in England and coming back immediately to India, uncle getting back into ambassador after meeting me in Hyderabad and that particular night when you told me his stories.

I can't put words to my thought anymore and my eyes are moist making it difficult to see the screen. I have no right to say this anymore but still. I am with you and you are always in my heart.

It will not mean much buddy but I dedicate this day of my life, 11th of Oct, 2009, my 26th bday to the memories of your father. A man who was known to his peers for unprecedented hard work, a storehouse of knowledge and father to you.

You have the qualities of your father. Keep alight the flames of his teachings.

I love you man!!!

Out of the hole

After spending almost a week in a burrow, completely cut off from the world (no internet and no phones), I sit down in front of the laptop trying to get reconnected to the world. My first rendezvous with the world is displeasing to say the least. The Indian team well on road to exit T20 WC, a friend beaten black and blue by 6 men (full story here), another friend who keeps on quitting jobs and taking bike rides.


Displeasing for obvious reasons but still there is a silver lining to the cloud. Each of them stood for what they believed undeterred by the consequences. A attitude which has no place to fear. They stood fearless in the wake of defeat, in wake of physical danger and economic recession. I sit down and think as I have been doing for over 7 days now, what in the hell do they eat for breakfast??


Somewhere I know that this battle does not take outside but inside. Between the easy way of closing your eyes and the harder way of opening it to the wishes of your heart lies the thin line. Although, the former makes you normal but takes away a lots of dream from you. The later however, makes you anti-social but content from inside. It brings you at peace with yourself. Makes you feel human again. It gives you the right to be happy from within. It cuts out the unnecessary bullshits which the society has created overtime.


I take great pride in knowing such people. Not because I have gone to the same school or shared a room with them but for the fact that these people reminds me of that deep rooted tree which has withstood the winds and hurricanes of time.


Bravo to you guys. Someday, I wish someday I will join you in your madness for life.

Honest Scrap, Honestly

Since it came from Deepak, I will have to accept it, irrespective of the discomfort and emostional atyachaar. So Dude, here's a one for you.

Ok 10 honest things about me:
1. My most prized possession is my night vision binoculars.
2. I was addicted to cocaine
3. I don’t sleep
4. I had sex with 2 girls at a time
5. I have seen a ghost
6. I lie

Oops!!! The honesty thing got me. Ok no more fooling around.

10 honest things about me, honestly
1. I am a diehard fan of South Park, Prison Break, Friends and Calvin & Hobbes. I can just keep myself indulged for hours and days and weeks. For months!?Not quite sure as I have never tried it.

2. I am addicted to smoking. Every day I am the cause of transforming almost 20 beautiful white sticks into ashes. I was a crackpot once to smoke 45 cigarettes on a trot to win a challenge. I have been trying to quit as soon as I started smoking.

3. I can go on for 5 days without sleeping, 3 days without eating and a week with the same underwear. Why not more? God have been kind enough.

4. The only time, you will find my eyes moist is during watching Rang De Basanti, Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani, Sholay, October Sky, Armageddon, Sweet November, Seven Pounds and If Only.

5. Shantaram, Atlas Shrugged and The Pilgrimage are the only three novels which I started reading, liked but never completed it. I lost Shantaram twice. There was always something more important whenever I touched Atlas Shrugged. The Pilgrimage ….. I don’t know what happened. Now I am not interested.

6. I always get nervous travelling to big cities. However, for past 8 years I have lived in cities like Delhi, Kolkata, Hyderabad, Aurangabad and now Gurgaon. Not to mention I had a time of my life in all these cities.

7. I intentionally missed two b-schools interview after preparing and attending the GD/Induction. IMI-Delhi to take the harshest decision of my life. Few weeks later TAPMI to play NFS (actually to stop thinking). Once in a while I still think about it.

8. I am passionate about basketball. Not seeing it but playing it. The last time I played was in my MBA first year 3 probably 4 years back. Prior to that the last full fledged game I played was on one leg in Std XII.

9. Initially, I believed I will grow up to be a cricketer. Then few years later I wanted to be in army. Post that a businessman. Presently, I want to establish what I want.

10. I have no idea what else to write wherein I can be completely honest. I always thought I was a bit more honest than other people.

Deepak next time I visit Pune, you must/should/shall be ready with the following:

1. 3 wraps


2. A bottle of Bacardi


3. Your Black Ass

The career, the desire and the means

Three things have been occupying me for quite some time:


· Where am I going career wise?

· I need to buy a Sony 37" LCD

· What is important the means or the end?


Career wise, I have created a need for me for my boss. However, if that need was more from the organization front, then my career would have been flying high. I will get the desired promotions and increments but the satisfaction from within is missing. I am doing bits and pieces of everything totally driven by my boss's whims and fantasies. A bit of branding, a bit of advertisement, a bit of research, a bit of co-ordination, a bit of operations, a bit of admin .... to cut it short tid bits of everything. I don't know how much longer I would be able to keep my spirit up.


Sony LCD, well I am financially constrained. So for now I have to just look at it from a distance and wish to embrace it. It is a one sided love where I am the poor one hoping to woo the rich and beautiful one.


Now, about means or end. A pat on the back or a knot in the stomach? I feel that the end is much more important than the means. How many people were within an inch of the end but got lost in the history books. The one who are etched in our memories are the ones who made it. Also, what is the right path? Who arrived at it? How was it developed? Is it absolute? A right path 10 years back is not the right path now! It changes and evolves. The text book is a manifestation of everything which has been experienced or discovered through practice. The idea of the end/objective should be very clear and absolute. It has to be reached some way or the other. Then the theories are challenged and the right path questioned. New things discovered. Abacus led to calculator which led to computers and the story of evolution continues. If you are a master at using an abacus, go for it and if I am proficient with computers, I would use it. What matters is the completion of objective.

Let’s hypothetically assume that there exists a perfect and right process. Then the fun part would go out of the window. There will be no mistakes, no imperfections. Something like a machine, input -> process -> output. Where’s the human touch, our intelligence, our nature to evolve. It will be so boring to lead life in monotony.

Work get assigned, a very tight deadline is set. The process of completion starts with a weak plan in the head. As it progresses, the loopholes become apparent. We adapt, we change and modify to achieve a greater plan. The loopholes etched in our sub-conscious. The same work gets assigned again but this time the planning will be done taking into consideration the incidents which happened last time round. This is what is known as experience. Our bosses sitting at high places are paid not to work but to share their experience to do the work in an efficient manner.



Another factor which needs to be considered is the externalities. At this point a series which I saw during my MBA days and later was aired on Star World by the name PRISON BREAK comes back to me again and again. It is a story of two brothers. Elder one was serving a death sentence for a murder which he didn’t commit. The younger brother, gifted with ingenious capabilities, decides to save the day for his brother. He plans and plans and plans. He gets tattooed all across his body. The elements of the tattoo contained the plans in the form of maps, the phone numbers, the address etc. He took every possibility in consideration while deciding the process. The nuts and bolt screwed in the bench, the inmates, their desires and weaknesses. The perfect plan. There were no questions which was left unanswered. However, the problem was that his brain was not that gifted to ask more questions, to see more possibilities. Suddenly, the plan looked like a house of nine pins surviving on a tenterhook. He had to adapt, he had to change the plans, change the process, and change the means to reach the final objective.

Externalities exist, mistakes happen, technology changes, ideologies are different but what remains absolute is the end, the final destination. If the final destination remains clear, every bit of the jigsaw puzzle would be in place sooner or later.

Finally, the cuckoo sang

Sometimes one just wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. The moment you open your eyes nothing feels right, the head is heavy, the body lazy and the day demanding. Today was one of those days. It's so easy to open your eyes sometimes yet it's so difficult to wake up.

Already late, ran out of my house to find a rickshaw in an attempt to reach office in time. The stop was devoid of rickshaws. What the *#@* !!! Scampered another 200 meters to find one but no luck. The clock seems to tick faster on such days. Finally a god sent rickshaw stopped by the way but his demands were godly too. How did he knew that I was willing to pay anything under the sky for a rickshaw today? A clear cut instruction about the destination was provided to him.

Finally we marched forward. The traffic jams are usual here at morning hours. Needless to mention the horns blare too loud on days such as these.

It seemed that the clear cut instruction went for a toss and the idiot took me for a ride. Since, I am new here, every new turn seem a new possibility for me. That was my mistake. Ran again for 100 - 150 meters to find another rickshaw. Finally I was in office, 1 min before the scheduled time.

I looked down upon the list of jobs which needed my attention. It comprised largely of coordination and follow up jobs. Lots of phone call today and lo! my phone is not fully charged.

Did I mention there was no power from 2o'clock in the night? People would not pick up my calls, so the running starts again. 1st floor to 3rd floor to 5th floor back to 3rd floor.... it goes on. Even the security person sitting at the gate started getting irritated every time I approach the exit gate on my floor. However, most of the work was done. Few people do picked up the phone but were too busy to pay attention. I don't blame them.

Walked back to home, Gurgaon is expensive places to stay you know. Need to save some money. Even before I entered my house, my roomie informed me that there was still no electricity. No that was not the end, no water as well. Stood outside my house and started weighing my options. Finally after 45 mins or so the electrician comes and charges a sum of Rs. 120 just to adjust a wire. I was too tired to argue, wrote a application to SDO and handed him the money.

The food arrives, but the room was a mess and so was my head. Decided to clean it and every possible use of water seemed like a necessity. Although I know there is no water. You open your lunch with great expectations and desire. Besan ki sabji!!!, no no I don't hate it. I loathe it. There was a time I vomited from the sheer smell of it. Since the time has changed, I ate the rest distastefully of whatever was offered.

That was one hell of a day, fraught with difficulties and unwanted challenges. But when I will look back to this day, I won’t remember it for no power or no water or filthy food or crappy people. I would remember this day for someone giving words to her thoughts. One may or may not be physically close, but being able to feel her excitement and her sadness and her anger. Squinting her eyes, making a face, taking a second to get her thoughts together. The images keep forming as you read through. It is magic. It has to be.

It took a long persuasion and lots of taunt but the cuckoo finally sang.

Questions # 4

The heart remains divided between being good and speaking out my mind. Let them have it. Unmask myself and show them the real deal. I have understood that politeness invariably leads to being taken for granted. Expectations to disappointment.

How many times one need to fall before able to walk properly?

How many times would it end before the actual ending?

Marriage #1

The idea of marriage has been lingering for quite some time. Although aware of its obvious presence, I always found a convenient excuse to avoid a confrontation. I would turn my back to it, close my eyes and better yet leave the darn place. The idea was to balance my own wishes with the wishes of the family. Also, to avoid a unnecessary outburst of emotions.

In no way abusing/disregarding/mocking the sanctity of marriage, I don't want to get married as of now. In the first place, I am quite unsure whether I want to get married at all. In all this, I couldn't understand how I am challenging the existence and laws of the society. "Even if I do challenge?" is another question which is constantly pinching me. Eventually, will I or won't I is something which the future would enfold.

Indian marriages are like gamble, you lose all or you win all. To eliminate (rather to minimize) the risk of losing all, the pre-marriage evaluation of families, brides and grooms digs deep into their caste, family tree, bad habits if any (not only the persons directly concerned but their uncles, aunts, grandparents ...... the list is endless), financial stability etc etc and etc. However, this process is not full proof. Mistakes do happen. The sacred marriage then becomes a contract which needs to be honored despite two person's life falling apart.

I am not against marriage, I just don't know. It is something like I don't know whether god exist or not. I am agnostic towards the idea of such marriages.

I am going to share my entire life with a person. I am going to grow with this person and she with me. Shouldn't it be a person with whom I can have a decent conversation? Someone who is willing to see life, the way I see it. One, who will support even if I set forward to fulfill my weirdest of dream, would respect my space, my freedom and my decisions. Not ask too many questions to weigh my act in light of objectivity and rationality.

Let me quote Kahlil Gibran,

"Then Almitra spoke again and said. And what of marriage, master?
And he answered saying:
You were born together and together you shall be for evermore.
You shall be together when the white sings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heaven dance between you.
Love one another, but make no bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver the same music.
Give your hearts but into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And oak tree and cypress grow not in each other's shadow. "

This is how I would like my marriage to be, unbound yet faithful, passionate yet caring, intense yet serene. To have a girl like that, I could not rely on the social system of marriage. It took 20 years to discover a perfect fit ("It was magic" - Sleepless in Seattle) and another six years to rediscover that magic.

"Till I saw her face shining in the sun,

Oh Lord! I sang praises of your creation.

Now I wait from dawn to dusk to see your magic in her face"

So, my elder ones, please understand. Support me in my endevour.

The carrot

A carrot dangles in front of my eyes...... I run with all my might, to claim it ........ The carrot still remains far ..... May be, I am not running hard enough ..... I try harder ...... The carrot still remains far ....... What's wrong?..... May be, I am not running properly....... I get trained ....... Back to the race and the carrot still dangles ...... Why? Why? Why? ....... I loose hope ...... I get motivational gyan ......... once more in the race ...... the carrot dangles still.

The idea of having a carrot takes the same place as the idea of first love. Haunting, fascinating, joyous, warm, pure yet too far. You get used to the running. It doesn't matter anymore and my heart is convinced of me at least running........ The carrot still dangles afar. The mouth still waters. Only this time, the carrot has changed.

Last 20 days

In the last 20 days or so my life have turned on its head. A easy going , laid back and relaxed Aurangabad to fast paced, bubbling and fast Gurgaon. From a recession struck Hospitality to a buoyant Telecom industry. From a nest's comfort to wilderness of jungle.

As you would have guessed by now, my company transferred me from Aurangabad to Gurgaon. Also transferring my industry. On 6th April, I boarded a train to Gurgaon and life has never been the same after that.

I did my graduation from Delhi so I know how things work here but never thought Gurgaon would be so different. The talll skyscrapers would invariably catch your eye. I am not amused by the height of it but the amount of it. It's skyscrapers after skyscrapers. Good thing about skyscrapers is that it is visible from far across and you know where you are going. the bad thing is that you always get decieved by its proximity.

Now, that brings me to the second observation. I have been to smallest of villages (Gurua, Bihar) to largest of cities (Hyderabad, AP), cramped up cities (Bangalore) to spaciest of cities (Aurangabad) but I have never come across a problem of public transportation so severe. Sit on a crossroad and count the no. of autos or buses. There is zero. I am not exaggerating it is actually zero. If you need a auto richshaw, go to IFFCO chowk to find one. Obvioulsy, the rates are sky rocketing.

Now in last 20 days I have a list of achievements:

1. I and Anoop carried 13 bags of luggage from Auragabad to Gurgaon
2. Finalized a flat within 10 days (it is a huge achievement)
3. Not got ill - taking into consideration that I have been eating Chola - Kulcha for my Lunch (Uncharacteristically trying to save money)
4. Walked, walked and walked my hearts and lungs out.
5. Met and revived some old friends and friendships (I can do that, although some people think I can't.)
6. Not missed office on single day
7. Not missed a deadline.
8. First time in life I signed a agreement on a stamp paper.
9. To save time, called up my didi and mom in a conference but heard them talking on all stupid issues for over 40 minutes patiently. (Uncharacteristic)
10. Talked to my dad for 16 out of 20 days. 80% - huge numbers. (Uncharacteristic)

Too many activites which were not natural to me. I think, within me there is a change happening. I am evolving. Is this the city or the course of life?

A Casual Call

Tring! Tring!! Unknown number flashing on my HTC. A ritual wish by me,"Good evening! Stargazer here!" A sweet voice and then the realization. Heart sank and leaped at the same time, not able to decide whether to be happy or sad. The legs were shaking, voice stammered and brain numb. The emotions, feelings and memories flooded me, taking me back to my college, to Delhi, to CCD, to Kamla nagar, to Hudson Lane. 

The voice spoke again,"How are you?". The question cut straight through my thoughts. The CCD and Hudson Lane blurred and gave way to my boring laptop screen. Of all the things I wanted to tell her, "Good!"came out rather meekly. "Tell me!" reached my lips even before I can give a thought to it. Tell me? Tell me!, what was I thinking? What kind of a person I would sound? Idiot! Moron! "I didn't call with a business proposition!" came the reply from other side. Some people will never change. They are never meant to be changed. 

What, do change is the situation, consequently changing the equation. The emotion and love never dies. A part of heart carrying it becomes numb, waiting patiently to flood you on the slightest of opportunity. Making you realize, you are not that tough. A bit of me still clings to the professional running after name and fame. 

It felt good and I felt human. Took a long time to come. 

Question # 3

Today is 31st March and world over companies,corporates, banks and governments are busy balancing thier books. In total contrast to me most of the professionals will be brning thier midnight oil today. A very dear friend working for a bank, dreads this day. Now I don't understand why do most of the financial years end on a 31st March. What is so special??

To add to that the next day happens to be a fools day. 31st March seems like a milestone, wherein we declare that a year has ended. We start everything fresh with new zeal and spirit. All this new zeal and spirit starts on a fools day.

Recieved a important call gotta go.

Questions # 2

Why is that you can talk to a old friend for over 3 hours but not your girlfriend??

What I remember of yesterday

"When you know your weaknesses and still don't do anything about it, then you are lazy" 

Most profound words hit you when you least expect it. Till then it was a peaceful Friday in my head. 

" You are the one who is going too far, I only for two days"

The harshness of a truth creeps in at the most romantic of times. The office files and other stuffs were arranged and packed for dispatch.

Missing my miss

The sun shone as it did yesterday

The air filling my lungs tasted the same

The bus had the usual faces

The office was as creepy as it always was

Today seemed usual, same as yesterday

I miss you still.

Two days seems lika a decade

A ugly mountain which I dont want to climb

 

Please come soon.

Never Ever Give up!!

There are numerous unwanted mails you recieve in the day. Some makes you smile and some downright just irritates you. But one in a thousand such mails just makes your day. Below is a video which I recieved from my ex-boss. All the problems faded away.

Never ever give up!!!!

To be or not to be!!!!

Recent developments in office suggest that I will be relocated at Gurgaon. My emotions have been a combination to highs and lows since then. So I decided why to write down why or why not I should go to Gurgaon:

Why should I go to Gurgaon:

1. Better opportunity 
2. Great exposure
3. Booming industry (wherein I am being transferred)
4. The thirst of malls will be quenched
5. Access to a gamut of food joint (esp. Dominoz Pizza.... Oh! how I missed it)
6. Great looking girls (Being committed doesn't change your nature.)
7. The chats (aloo chat, tikki chat , going hungry already)
8. Change in the present laid back attitude.
9. Better salary
10. Proximity to lot of friends esp. Kunal, Vinni and Nakul
11. No better option except for leaving the job. 
12. Proximity to home.
13. English movies (Here, the theatres don't show English movies, of what ever they show all of them are dubbed in Hindi)

Why should I not go to Gurgaon:

1. Leaving my loved ones behind especially my girlfriend.
2. Disrupting a well settled and peaceful life
3. Start all over again
4. Past memories would surface again.
5. The smoke and drink is bound to increase
6. The office life would be quite difficult and demanding
7. My physical health, in all probability would decline
8. The weather is quite extreme
9. Very expensive city

Please leave in your comments. Add to the list, as it would really help me to take a decision.

Is this the India of Bhagat Singh????

The news blared something about IPL yesterday morning. My sleepy head on a usual Sunday morning made it difficult to make sense of it. After few minutes of trying, news started making sense. IPL schedule and election schedule are clashing. Security concerns. Various states diplomatically backing out from providing security. Decision to be taken by afternoon. It all seems very normal in India. I changed the channel being sure in my head that IPL will start on the scheduled date and in India.

The post lunch session of TV viewing shook me to core. The decision for the aforesaid issue was taken and IPL was supposed to happen outside India. Either in UK or South Africa. I don't know what is the general reaction of the masses but I feel cheated. I could not see any reason as to why the 'INDIAN PREMIERE LEAGUE' should happen outside India. Is our government and defence so fragile and weak that this country cannot accommodate two events in a day, that too in few cities. 

What kind of impact it will have?? The economy is depressed and such decisions just add to the low confidence in this country. There would have been some demand created and the wheel of economy would have churned a little. Some sectors earnings would have shot up. The effect would have tricked down to the various sectors of the society. The foreign exchange earnings would have strengthened and would have brought pressure on rupee to appreciate. But the government used election to play safe.

I am trying to recall a terrorist attack during a election time(barring J&K). Well all the local gundas will be tipped off by the political parties to capture a booth or stop/force people to vote. The police would be a spectacular spectator. A thought popped up. According to the government, all the security would be provided for the election. So, I suppose that there should be no such incident during election. Well we will have to wait. 

Mumbai was hit, what did our esteemed government do?? Anything substantial ? Nothing. Srilankan cricketers hit and suddenly all the players become a prime target. Rather than showing our strength and solidarity we choose a more convenient path. Shift the tournament. So easy!!! Why cannot, we be sure that our security will be full proof during the matches? Why are we not looking to mend the loopholes? 

I believe this government has no idea of the state of affairs. No intelligence in place. So just play safe. Take the tournament to other country. Not our headache. 

We are being forced to live under a constant fear of attacks and terror. Decisions like these are just confirming that we cannot rely on this loose machinery called government to rectify it. Government is not responsible for its entrepreneur.  

Was this the country which gave birth to fearless and selfless leaders? Was it the same blood? Its a shame!!!!

BACK TO SQAURE ONE - once again

What do you say to a friend who is leaving? 

A person who comes into your life at the darkest moment and then gives you hope and reasons to smile. A person whom you hate at the first sight and he makes you realize what a gem of a person he is. He would have a PJ for every god damn situation. For a moment, he would suddenly go into oblivion, his problems haunting him. Will lift his head and make sure no one has noticed and then the PJ's start again. He would take blame for everything which would show me wrong. Will give away a 50rs. note to a begging girl. Will not allow me to spend a penny knowing that I am near to bankruptcy. 

Shamelessly he would narrate how he steals my blog to impress his friends and somehow it don't make me angry. Would listen to all your problems and would never mention his. How we would just keep on blabbering over daaru. Feed the dogs at our building. Try to understand the meaning and purpose of life.

I am sorry if it was not interesting, it was not supposed to be interesting. I am angry and I am sad. 

The person ..... what the hell! I will tell you directly. Whatever I say here would come out straight from my heart. I am using this platform only because I will not be able to face you. You are a rascal of huge proportions who never ever say die. Do you even know that there is a option when you say I quit and the pain ends. Add to that the ur high emotional involvement in everything you do. Are you god, you created this world? Thoda practical ban jaa, learn to think about urself. Then you are a bugger too. You would keep bugging people till they don't abuse you. Why do you need to do that? Tere ____ main keeda hai toh dusre ko kyun tang karta hai.Abbie jaisa khuda ne banaya ab toh waise hi rahoge. 

Be the way you are. Please stay man!! (I can't, I am sorry. I am not as strong you are).  I am gonna miss you man! The daarus, the ice creams, the parties, the pranks, the aunty's mess, the photography sessions, the bitching about the company, good night cigarettes, the bike rides, your ridiculous singing, the bet on songs. 

But then, you need to go and solve a problem. A problem which needs to be solved and you are gonna fucking solve it. I don't like to see you miserable or afraid. So don't be. Just fucking solve the god damn problem. 

Yes, one more thing I and my girlfriend will adopt you any given day. 

Somethings which will always remind me of you:

"Riders on the storm

Riders on the storm

Into this house were born

Into this world were thrown

Like a dog without a bone

An actor out on loan

Riders on the storm

Theres a killer on the road

His brain is squirmin like a toad

Take a long holiday

Let your children play

If ya give this man a ride

Sweet memory will die

Killer on the road, yeah

Girl ya gotta love your man

Girl ya gotta love your man

Take him by the hand

Make him understand

The world on you depends

Our life will never end

Gotta love your man, yeah

Wow!

Riders on the storm

Riders on the storm

Into this house were born

Into this world were thrown

Like a dog without a bone

An actor out alone

Riders on the storm

Riders on the storm

Riders on the storm

Riders on the storm

Riders on the storm

Riders on the storm"

We dont need no education.
We dont need no thought control.
No dark sarcasm in the classroom.
Teacher, leave those kids alone.
Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone!
All in all its just another brick in the wall.
All in all youre just another brick in the wall.

We dont need no education.
We dont need no thought control.
No dark sarcasm in the classroom.
Teachers, leave those kids alone.
Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone!
All in all youre just another brick in the wall.
All in all youre just another brick in the wall.

What is it about pictures?

What is it about pictures that I like so much? Don't get me wrong I am not talking about the pictures taken on a trip or my photographs or any individual's photograph. I am talking about random pictures, wallpapers which are abstract. It would be just a symbol, a object or a scenenry by few of them, I just cannot stop looking at them. 

When the hard disk of my laptop crashed, the only thing which I repent loosing are my pictures folder. I kept myself awake whole night and day to make a collection and boom! Anyways, whenever I am free and  have access to net, conciously or unconciously I end up having a image search on google. 

I still have a decent collection of them. Below you will find some of my favourite wallpapers. 

Away from home, nearer to peace

After 6 tough days, Sunday embarked. I wanted to too do everything, rest, watch a movie, have a nice evening with my girlfriend and a nice dinner. Instead I went to a dam with a couple of friends. 

I woke up late at around 10 am (blame the drink party, night before). With laziness gripping every inch of my body, somehow I managed to go through the morning rituals. It was my monthly cleaning day. Needless to say I not only missed it, I further messed it. It took a monumental effort to carry myself to the mess. The appeal of lunch was revolting under the circumstances but to be near my girl (girlfriend) was the major motivator. After a placid lunch and a very well fought game of scrabble, I was reminded that we were to leave for Paithan dam in the afternoon. 

Every nerve in my body plead, screamed and debated against it. But a promise remains a promise and we (I, Kiran, Laxmi and Sandeep) went ahead. The sun was scorching above. I was not expecting too much from the trip. Instead I was looking at the amount of sleep which I will have to forgo. Sandeep's car left our building at 3:15pm. Thank god the car had a air conditioner. For a moment I laughed on the sun for shining so bright. 

The route was partly familiar as we embark it every day to come to office. Every passing second reminded me of coming to work tomorrow. The building were I work crossed by and it was the first time in 21 months that I/Kiran/Laxmi  were going beyond that point. What seemed like an end to a world opened up to a new one. I was surprised to see, how many more factories were present in that area. It was quite unexpected. After a drive of over 45min we reached our destination of Paithan Dam. 

The car came to a halt. The doors were flung open. Now the Sun was smiling at me.  It was even more brighter and was piercing the skin. The first view of the dam was not encouraging either. A upward inclined topography hid most of the view. Difficult part came as we geared up to climb what seemed like a small hill. A sense of triumph enveloped me when I reached atop but also made me realize of my worsening physical condition. Got to kill that smoke or it will kill me.  

Then I lifted my, head up to see what has been hidden so far. A vast expanse of water. Peaceful, magical, thirst quenching water. The sun looked so small and the river so big. The heat was fading away as we headed near to the river. The best part of the whole view was that there was no definitive end. You can just keep on looking farther and farther and yet you will see just water. Mysterious yet so calm, dangerous yet so tempting. Wow!!!! It has been quite sometime since I was beside a river or a sea. The memories of  'Chat Puja' at our native place sprung to life. 

What could you ask for more when you can sit hand in hand with your girlfriend,  feet immersed in water and two of your very close friends watching your back? I cannot!! I was the most lucky person at that point of time. After spending over 3 hours near to that soothing river, the Sun decided to call it a day and started setting. The river turned golden and consumed the Sun. 

The rest of the evening was spent in a park which was full of fountains. 'Center shooter' was my favourite. Also, at the end of the garden there was a building which was partly museum and partly temple. The environment, the aura ... moved me into fantasies.  How good it would be to live in such a building once, etc etc.

After having dinner, I slept on my girlfriend laps for the whole journey. The car halted again and this time the doors were flung open to harsh realities of life. Office tomorrow, pending works, payment of various bills. The only thing different was the spirit this time. 

The river remained patient throughout the day taking on the heat, only to be a winner in the end. Need to hold on to your patience and consistency. The Sun will set. 

Solomon Grundy

                                      

Born on a Monday, 

Christened on Tuesday, 

Married on Wednesday, 

Took ill on Thursday, 

Grew worse on Friday, 

Died on Saturday, 

Buried on Sunday. 

That was the end of 

Solomon Grundy. 

In the end, whole life would amount to just  few lines. 

* Solomon Grundy is a nursery rhyme. Later the name was adopted by DC comics for a villainous character for their comic books.  

De-ja-vu

Where is everyone ?

Who is the one I am waiting for?

Why is it so dark?

Why is the dark so dark?

When does this tunnel end?

Am I going in the right direction?

Which side is sun expected to rise?

When did I last admire a sunrise?

Where is that tall figure who used to block the sun?

Why did he held my hand every time I was in trouble?

Where did I loose him?

What was the last dream i dreamt?

Why do you need to sleep to dream?

When was the last time I slept with my eyes closed?

What was that song which made my eyes heavy?

Who was the lady who sang to me every night.

Why would she cook for me?

I even enjoyed the slaps from her. Why?

Why isn't she with me ?

Why is everything spinning?

Why am I asking so many questions?

Was i here before?

Is this a de-ja-vu?

Yes! It has to be.

Festival of Love

Very few people would have heard this piece of mythology about Holi -

"Kamadeva is a god of love. Kama's body was destroyed when he shot his weapon at Shiva in order to disrupt his penance and help Parvati to marry Shiva. Shiva then opened his third eye, the gaze of which was so powerful that Kama's body was reduced to ashes. For the sake of Kama's wife Rati (passion), Shiva restored him, but only as a mental image, representing the true emotional and mental state of love rather than physical lust. The Holi bonfire is believed to be celebrated in commemoration of this event" - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holi

Interesting!! Isn't it? Kamdeva - the god of love being destroyed by Shiva - the supreme god, the god of bad things. Decision taken in a fury and puff!! there goes the god of love up in smoke. Then comes the best part, Kamdev was restored by Shiva but only as a mental image!!! First you break the heart and then present a collage of photographs of good times. True emotions over the physical lust. I don't blame the extremists for their opinion if their Gods were so hot headed.

Can mythologies be a reflection of coming future? Well it can be! Looking at the present circumstances it must be. Love to be destroyed by bad things. Love knows no boundaries. It knows only to love. Even so if it stands face to face with the devil. But will devil return the favor. No i suppose. Why should he, its not his nature. His nature is to destroy, let it be the one who loves him the most. Just imagine how this earth would be if everyone here would be a devil. I mean absolute lack of love. Non existence of parents, friends, soul mate. World driven by hunger, lust, power. Scary !

Why was man created when the two extremes already existed. God who represents all the good things in life and devil who represents all the bad things in life. Rather, allow me to change the wordings to avoid the good and bad debate. God representing an ideology and the devil the other extreme. I think this would be a sick experiment undertaken to decide the supreme among the two. Then life was formed and evolved from a single cell organism to human beings. In between dinosaurs, tigers, lions, elephants, birds, fishes etc etc were created. After human nothing else was created? nothing actually evolved? Human created and he only destroyed. Tallest of buildings and greatest of ships were created and destroyed. Why was it? How come the ever evolving nature stopped to evolve and humans took over the job. All the other species were consuming and not creating. So in itself we humans are the god and the devils. Are we? Or we are just the mixture of both.

Delhi 6 named the devil inside us as the kalabandar. Well a thought! What is our true nature ...... were we supposed to act in the kalabandar way or the opposite. What is our nature or do we have one ? Were we created for a reason or we just happened. God liked it and kept it as a showpiece. I believe all the answers are linked to the question. "What is our purpose?" Because if we have a purpose then there would be a nature to support it.

Too much of thoughts for one day. Well tomorrow is holi, a festival of colour. A grandeur exhibition of colors. Holi is also seen as the festival wherein people just laze around, play cheap pranks on girls and loose control. Be responsible and enjoy it. What the heck .... go wild !!!!!

A new member

The first member of Black Band Gang .... Mr. Deepak for being human in face of all the insecurities and ups and downs.

Know more about him @ whimsicalacumen.blogspot.com

Keep up the good work.

The Black Band Gang

" Srilankan cricked team attacked in Pakistan!", "Global warming is taking over!", "Animals getting extinct!", "12 people held Mumbai to ransom for 3 days", "Girls beaten in bar", "Biharis beaten in Mumbai" .............

It was yesterday night when four of us, decided to start a gang. A gang known as a black band gang. A gang whose individuals wears a black band around his/her wrist. The number of bands around any member's wrist shows his dedication to the group.

Don't be surprised if anyone of us approach you to present a black band. It means you are eligible to be a part of this group. Also, you may be presented with more bands. That means that you have done something right, something sane, something good.

Every gang has an objective and so does this gang.

The gang promotes humanity. The gang encourages anyone who wants to be human again. Not a selfish professional, not a narrow minded freak, not a wicked politician .... no none of them. Just a plain simple human being. One who will feed a small puppy not thinking of the money or time involved. One who will help a sick man on the road. One who will go out of her office hours to sort out someone's personal life. One who smiles when he makes other smile. One who is disgusted by relegionalism. One who is willing take a stand against growing corruption and terrorism. One who would not hurt anyone's feeling.

You may be black or white, you may be a marathi or a bihari, you may be a girl or a boy or none, you may be young or old ...... It doesnot matter. A good heart is all you need. Respect for other people, respect for life and freedom, repect for change and respect for the past.

It is time when the sane people of this country takes a stand on what they like and how they want this country to be. We have been pushed over, crushed, beaten and called non Indians. We took everything in our stride hoping that tomorrow would be ours and our time has come.

Sometimes, a small step can do things which the greatest of thoughts fail to achieve. Take a small step today to change the world.

The promoters of the group:

Brainy fatso

Whacky Tanki

Angelic Eyes

Queen Victoria

The journeys - The final one

I got bored of writing about my journeys. I don't want to fall into a boring pattern. Anyways since i promised, I would give you a very brief overview of my favourite journeys. I should have thought of it earlier. Anyways, Enjoy!!!


No.7 Pitalkhora: 25Th December'2007. The trip is special because it was the first trip with all the friends from office. It was a blast. Getting drenched, the caves and the photography. Getting god damn tired and coming back to office the next day.
The most special moment.... well i cant tell you my girlfriend will kick me for that.

No.6 Mahabaleshwar: Awww!! was the first word which I blurted out that morning. Bewda party, I mean ganda bewda party at Deepak's house last night. India not making to the second round of the world cup. Slept very late. Next thing I remember, a hard and well aimed kick from Deepak. "Nidhi called we are going to Mahabaleshwar, they are reaching in 20 min?" It was morning already? When was that planned? and in 20 min I was squeezed in a car between Deepak and Shweta di and actually was heading to Mahabaleshwar. The best part the awesome drive from Nilesh (on the road and on the boat), the strawberry shake, the dance at the table top.

No. 5 Puri: A pure family trip. I, Dad, Mom, Didi and Bhaiya. The beaches, the sweets. The temples. Above all the innocence at age 7. The best part, we almost missed the train to Puri. But we made sure that we didn't miss anything after that.

No. 4 Lonavala: The day was spent in Mahabaleshwar (as mentioned earlier), the dinner at Nidhi's house and plan to drink in the night. The heart said not the usual drink. Let's make it interesting. Let's go to Lonavala. Asked a cousin and asked a school friend. They both were game and here we go. 10:30 in the night we left. By 11:15 we were out of Pune. By 11:45 I and Ashesh(my cousin) were standing in the middle of nowhere and Deepak and Gagan(friend) were pushing closer to Lonavla on his mean machine (you got to see it to believe it). No phone signals. Suddenly our bike started and after a while we found Deepak and Gagan pushing the bike backward after about 15 min ride. Deepak would have killed me with his fury. Then at around 1:00 am all four of us were standing on a police booth trying to explain that Gagan is a relative and we are going to meet our sister in Lonavala. Bribed the officers and finally off to Bhusi dam (Deepak correct me if I am wrong). The place looked like a haunted mansion. It felt noone ever lived there and yet the whole place was intact. The eerie feeling was getting to our nerve. The ruffle of leaves would make our heart skip. Change of plans, no bhusi dam. The tiger valley is good to sit and chat and drink. After a while we heard the growling. Was it a tiger well they call it the tiger valley. The sound of dry leaves breaking as if someone is walking. Walking towards you. Eyes were searching for pair of dots shining in the dark. When Deepak kicked start his bike and gave it a full throttle, even the dinosaurs would have made a run for their life. Next stop a graveyard. I had enough for the night and convinced everyone to head straight to Pune. With the first rays we entered Pune with Deepak twice falling sleep and almost falling off the bike. Quite a journey. Just loved riding Deepak's bike and seeing him infuriated when I did something wrong.


No.3 Daulatabad A bunch of office going friends, fearing rain, left their homes to conquer a fort which has never been conquered. All of us were having a tough time. Daulatabad fort was a reflection of our worries and our fear. It needed to be conquered. The lesson which i learnt that day has kept me going till now. When you stand in front of the problem it seems big, huge and unconquerable. You feel very small and are afraid of the rain, the mud. But when you decide in your heart and when you see yourself standing atop of that problem, a different kind of energy takes over. After gruelling times, after tired limbs, after millions small steps. After everything bad which could happen, the best comes. You are at top of the fort. Yes! Yes! you have conquered, you have reached the destination. Now, its the time to enjoy the view. The whole world is at your feet. The journey is even more special when your girlfriend walks toe in toe with you. Supporting and asking support. The bonds which matters gets strong.

No. 2 Vasihno Devi - Kud A group of 8 people left from Hyderabad after completing their MBA, bagging a decent job, with lot of dreams and a pinch of pain of loosing each other in the maddening race. The destination was Vasihno Devi. Dead in the winter season. Not the wisest of choices but the best. The trip to Kud was a day earlier the trip to Vaishno Devi. Thanks to a very sweet friend, we were very well taken care off. The Kud had snow mountains. The chill, the snow, the sliding, the falling. Wow !!! It just rushed through my mind and I realized that was the best time of all the times. I even saved a friend's life. He he. The trip was special not only because of the white snow, the waterfalls or the mountains. It was special because we were celebrating friendship. We all were from different parts of the country. We spoke different languages. We met each other in different circumstances and each shared a unique relationship with each one of the gang. The only thing common between all of us that we never liked to loose or give up. The Vaishno Devi, well we sat almost for 5-10 minutes in front of the pinds. No one in front us or no one behind us. Then we left back for Jammu and then to Hyderabad. Next day in college canteen and all news channels were displaying "Due to extreme cold weather, the Vaishno Devi Yatra halted", "2 people die because of cold waves". Well! we were lucky aren't we??


No. 1 Delhi - Bokaro (Rajdhani Express) No temple, no historic places, no beautiful scenes, not the comfort of your family, no .... nothing. A simple Rajdhani Express and a simple journey from Delhi to Bokaro. It was special for reasons which I cannot share with you all. I cannot because I don't know how true love can be expressed in words. I cannot because i don't know any word which would do justice to her eyes. I cannot because the flow of hair still leaves me spellbound. I cannot because I promised. True love never needs word to thrive. The feeling is too strong to keep you grounded. I cannot forget her eyes. Her eyes which I came to know that night, were meant for me and yet i knew that this was the last time i would ever see myself in them.

The journey's - Part III

A bus full to Mysore

A mini bus full of relatives, old and young, successful and unsuccessful, shaky and determined. The destination: Mysore. Been to Mysore before and seen what needs to be seen. Reason why i like this journey was to see everyone together and having fun. The small differences, the usual worries everything bad seems to vanish amidst the smiles and wisecracks.

Always spend time with your relatives, they are much more than you think of them.

The Journeys - Part II

Devghar

Devghar is a very important place in Hindu religion. Lord Shiva (The Destroyer) is worshipped throughout the year. The city thrives on the tourists who visit the place. You will find head shaved (except for a small pony) pandas roaming, chatting, fooling around through out the city. Sometimes i wondered, whose population is more, the pandas or the tourists.

My earlier trips to this place have been a total disaster, i hated this place. The cramped up streets with vendors literally shouting in your ears to buy their products. The pandas, hovering around for any new face and attack them with their usual dialogues. The rubbish thrown on the ground, the religion on sale, everything. I just loathed that place until this trip.

I, dad and mom went to Devghar to thank god as he was kind enough to land me up with a job. A job which i was not thankful for. In such circumstances, you are screwed. You cant say no, there is not a chance. Not only you fall short of parents expectation but it is seen as an act of challenging the existence of God. Never ever go on those line of discussion with your mom.

After checking in, i and my dad went for a walk. He took me through the busy and narrow streets of Devghar. The smells of jalebi's .... hmmm. When that walk finally came to an end. We were near a lake and the darkness was taking over. For 23 years i dreamt about it and it happened. Dad and I had a heart to heart talk about various things. Sitting on the banks of the lake, the smell of sweets and the sound of evening aarti. I was getting cleansed, I was getting aware of how much my dad cares and how much he sacrificed. I wanted the time to freeze and the waters to be still. I lost track of time. I was trying to fight my tears and was about to give up when, we started walking back to the hotel room. I felt, he was feeling the same. The sleep that night was carefree, fearless and proud.

The next morning my dad woke us up all early. I mean 3:30am early. By 4 I was sleepwalking to temple. Cursing everything which came in my way. I assumed that it was my dad's big plan to cut out the crowd. Well actually it was but also, there is a special aarti which happens every morning. By the time, we reach temple, i was almost awake. I entered the doors and i saw heaven. There were 8-10 people in the vicinity. The temple was clean. Suddenly, i realized that no one is trying to make a living at this hour. The smell, i just loved it. The people singing the hymns and there was some kind of energy which moved me. I don't know what, where or how. There were tears rolling down my years. My head was bent in respect and in devotion. A question kept coming and going "Why cannot be it like this always?". Why ? Why do i had to see a old lady fall twice and get hurt before managing to enter the temple? Why do i have to see a very educated man in rags and doping and abusing the world and telling the harshest of truth? Why ? Why?

Why can't be a god's place be a god's place? Why is it needed to be invaded by human beings? Why? Why do we have to spoil the sanctity?

By the time we returned, I was a different man. Cleansed!!!

The Journeys, Part I

Thanks to my dad, i started exploring India at a very young age. He has been kind enough to take me too a host of places. Although i have believed that more than the destination, what matters is the journeys. There have been quite a few journeys in my life. Today, for some reason i want to write about some of my journeys. I am not a critique but i would like to list down my favorite journeys in descending order i.e. the best would come at last. Hope you enjoy it.


BOKARO - HYDERABAD
The trip happened after my 1st year when i was returning from Bokaro to Hyderabad. The reason why it was special because throughout the journey i never felt in control even once. The God/bad luck/devil whoever it was kept telling me 'I win', 'I win' throughout the journey. I left from Bokaro on 9Th October for Hyderabad. I remember the date cause two days later was my birthday. The journey plan was to go to reach Vishakapatnam and then catch a bus to Hyderabad. Easy isn't. Not even close!

The journey was planned two days b4 so got a wait list ticket. I was sure the tickets would get confirmed as the wait list was less than 10. Two days, the ticket got a RAC, didn't get confirmed. In a RAC ticket two people have to share a berth. My partner turned to be man with stinking feet. I was more than happy to leave the whole berth to himself. Forget sleeping, i chose to stand/sit whole night near the door. Finally, when train reached Vishakapatnam the clock was screaming 7:30 in the evening. I forgot to mention the train was late by almost three hours.

The best part starts now. I reached the bus stand, stood in a queue for the tickets. With some difficulty i was able to communicate what i want. The time of departure was closing by and i realized, i am not aware of the bus no. and ticket revealed nothing. The ticket was in a W language. The search begun, 45 min to departure, i asked a conducter standing by, 10min of conversation with him, animated body language, raised voices but the barrier of language was a big mountain to overcome. 30 min left and i started approaching shopkeepers, travellers, sweepers, anyone who would know even a bit of hindi or english. Sanskrit would have also done but it didn't strike me at that point of time. My eyes kept on scanning the tickets over and over again. Where is the god damn number. Looking at the buses coming and going to understand the mechanism of thier operations.

After a while, everything was getting blur, except for a new face, a number plate of a coming bus, the ticket and the watch. Will i be able to ever know which was the bus? 5 min left and among all the buses at the stand one of the bus was my destination. What should I do? I wondered. Can I stand at the exit and stop all the buses. Should i go and book a room in the hotel. In my thoughts i gave up the idea of catching the bus. I was planning what should be my plan next. Tring Tring and i recieve a call. Call from a friend who was a Hyderabad localite. The instant feeling was to ignore the call but nothing better to do, i took the call. He wished me happy birthday and asked me about my whereabouts and whether i will be in Hyderabad on my birthday. There was a mysterious smile on my face. I promised him that tomorrow morning I will reach Hyderabad and give him the biggest party of his life.

Yes, I reached Hyderabad next morning and I found out the bus. How? Well i am quite sure you would have worked that out by now.

The next journey in the next post. Gotta Go!!!