Marriage #1

The idea of marriage has been lingering for quite some time. Although aware of its obvious presence, I always found a convenient excuse to avoid a confrontation. I would turn my back to it, close my eyes and better yet leave the darn place. The idea was to balance my own wishes with the wishes of the family. Also, to avoid a unnecessary outburst of emotions.

In no way abusing/disregarding/mocking the sanctity of marriage, I don't want to get married as of now. In the first place, I am quite unsure whether I want to get married at all. In all this, I couldn't understand how I am challenging the existence and laws of the society. "Even if I do challenge?" is another question which is constantly pinching me. Eventually, will I or won't I is something which the future would enfold.

Indian marriages are like gamble, you lose all or you win all. To eliminate (rather to minimize) the risk of losing all, the pre-marriage evaluation of families, brides and grooms digs deep into their caste, family tree, bad habits if any (not only the persons directly concerned but their uncles, aunts, grandparents ...... the list is endless), financial stability etc etc and etc. However, this process is not full proof. Mistakes do happen. The sacred marriage then becomes a contract which needs to be honored despite two person's life falling apart.

I am not against marriage, I just don't know. It is something like I don't know whether god exist or not. I am agnostic towards the idea of such marriages.

I am going to share my entire life with a person. I am going to grow with this person and she with me. Shouldn't it be a person with whom I can have a decent conversation? Someone who is willing to see life, the way I see it. One, who will support even if I set forward to fulfill my weirdest of dream, would respect my space, my freedom and my decisions. Not ask too many questions to weigh my act in light of objectivity and rationality.

Let me quote Kahlil Gibran,

"Then Almitra spoke again and said. And what of marriage, master?
And he answered saying:
You were born together and together you shall be for evermore.
You shall be together when the white sings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heaven dance between you.
Love one another, but make no bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver the same music.
Give your hearts but into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And oak tree and cypress grow not in each other's shadow. "

This is how I would like my marriage to be, unbound yet faithful, passionate yet caring, intense yet serene. To have a girl like that, I could not rely on the social system of marriage. It took 20 years to discover a perfect fit ("It was magic" - Sleepless in Seattle) and another six years to rediscover that magic.

"Till I saw her face shining in the sun,

Oh Lord! I sang praises of your creation.

Now I wait from dawn to dusk to see your magic in her face"

So, my elder ones, please understand. Support me in my endevour.